Today is the day my mom died, three years ago.  I’ve been in a funk for the last couple of weeks – I get this way every year at this time.  I have about 4 times of year that are the hardest.  Don’t misunderstand – I miss her every day, but around Mother’s Day, the anniversary of her death in late June, her birthday in mid-November, and the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) are always the worst.  I think about her every day, and miss her.  I miss being able to call her on the phone and ask her something or see how she’s doing.  I miss her emailing me.  I miss her laughing at Tim and looking at him like the son she never had.  I hate that we didn’t get the Hambones website up before she died – she would have loved it.  She would love my blog and reading about my day.  I emailed her almost every single day the last few years of her life, once I taught her how to use a computer and a mouse!  I know she would have loved it.  
Tim let me cry this morning and rubbed my head and let me drip salty tears on his shoulder.  He’s a good guy, and I’m just really glad that he got to know Dodie and that she got to know him before she died.  I know she felt a lot better in the latter years of her life, knowing that I had finally found him and that she didn’t have to worry about me as much any more.
I asked Tim if he would take me out to the cemetery this weekend, and of course he said he would.  He’d do anything I asked of him.  I want to check on the flowers and make sure they look ok.
I need to call my dad and talk to him, but so far, I’ve been putting that off all morning.  I will call him soon and see how he is doing.  I’m going to be busy the rest of the day. I  planned today like that, have been planning it for a while, to get out of the house, go shopping, keep busy.  Not that this day is really all that different from any other, it was hard yesterday and the day before, but I get through it, I just get sad.  Ok, I guess I’ll private blog about the rest of this.  No sense in being maudlin.  🙂
Tags: