Exceedingly Mundane

Today is the day my mom died, three years ago. I’ve been in a funk for the last couple of weeks – I get this way every year at this time. I have about 4 times of year that are the hardest. Don’t misunderstand – I miss her every day, but around Mother’s Day, the anniversary of her death in late June, her birthday in mid-November, and the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) are always the worst. I think about her every day, and miss her. I miss being able to call her on the phone and ask her something or see how she’s doing. I miss her emailing me. I miss her laughing at Tim and looking at him like the son she never had. I hate that we didn’t get the Hambones website up before she died – she would have loved it. She would love my blog and reading about my day. I emailed her almost every single day the last few years of her life, once I taught her how to use a computer and a mouse! I know she would have loved it.

Tim let me cry this morning and rubbed my head and let me drip salty tears on his shoulder. He’s a good guy, and I’m just really glad that he got to know Dodie and that she got to know him before she died. I know she felt a lot better in the latter years of her life, knowing that I had finally found him and that she didn’t have to worry about me as much any more.

I asked Tim if he would take me out to the cemetery this weekend, and of course he said he would. He’d do anything I asked of him. I want to check on the flowers and make sure they look ok.

I need to call my dad and talk to him, but so far, I’ve been putting that off all morning. I will call him soon and see how he is doing. I’m going to be busy the rest of the day. I planned today like that, have been planning it for a while, to get out of the house, go shopping, keep busy. Not that this day is really all that different from any other, it was hard yesterday and the day before, but I get through it, I just get sad. Ok, I guess I’ll private blog about the rest of this. No sense in being maudlin. 🙂