Right around Christmas, I had a few days where I was not feeling very well. I wasn’t near-death kind of sick, just sort of run down, with a bad sore throat, a headache and I sort of ached all over. I was afraid it might have been the flu, but after I got some rest, took some Tylenol and sucked back a few Chloraseptic lozenges, I started to feel better.
I don’t get “near-death” sick very often. I don’t run fever much, and I have only thrown up 2 or 3 times in the last 10-11 years. But, if I do ever get really sick, we have a problem in our house. Tim and I treat sickness and feeling bad completely different. Completely.
When I’m sick, I like to have a little bit of attention paid to me. I know, I am probably asking a lot, but that’s what I like and it’s what I had growing up. If I didn’t feel good, my mom would mother me and make me chicken noodle soup (Campbells, from a can!), get me some Sprite or give me some crackers every few hours. She’d check on me and see how I was feeling. Personally, I don’t think that’s a lot to ask, but if you were to ask my husband that, you would not get that kind of answer. Tim, when he doesn’t feel good, wants to be left completely, totally and utterly alone. Don’t talk to him, don’t offer to bring him food or get him something to drink, don’t try to get him a Tylenol, just leave him alone. For hours or days on end. He doesn’t like to be touched, talked to, or basically even share the same room with me or anyone else. Me, I’m the polar opposite. I like those things. I don’t like to be in a dark room, all alone and left to die.
A couple of years ago, I was pretty sick. I was running fever and I was pretty weak. I laid down in bed (something I rarely do, so you’d think that would have tipped Tim off) and turned off the lights, tv, radio, etc. I had the door open, and apparently he looked in on me once, closed the door, and then proceeded to not come in for nearly 10 hours. TEN HOURS. After I woke up a few hours later, I lay there miserable, wondering, is he going to offer to bring me something to drink since I’m too weak to get up and get it myself? Will he offer me some soup or crackers since I’m too sick to open a can of Campbells chicken noodle and feed myself? Nope, nothing. I could have died and he wouldn’t have noticed.
I know, I’m going to get a lot of snide comments here. I have come to learn from Tim that apparently I’m asking for way too much. Apparently, I can learn to leave him alone and try not to talk to him, but he can’t learn to check on me (tsk, tsk, there I go again, being snarky) and get me a Sprite. 🙄 Now, before you pipe up and say what a bad wife I am, please let me state for the record, I really don’t think I am that bad. I am not asking to be petted and baby’d to death, just a cursory check and an offer of medicine or food every now and then would be nice. I love Tim to death and I know he loves me and I know he wouldn’t knowingly let me lay there and die. At least, I don’t think he would 😀
Ok, here’s today’s Question of the Day: How do you act when you’re sick? Do you want to be left alone or do you like a little attention? Does your spouse or family share the same way of thinking, or are there a lot of polar opposites in your home on this matter? Leave me a comment and let me know 🙂
Oh Stacy, this is funny because it rings so true for everybody. You’re so not a bad wife. 😀
To be honest, when I’m sick, I want my mommy. I want to lay on the couch, like I used to do at home. (Our couch is old, ugly, and uncomfortable, so these days I stay upstairs in bed. I can’t wait until we have a new couch.)
But aside from that, I think we are mostly opposites of you and Tim. I HATE being touched when I’m sick. (I sometimes think that if I ever went through childbirth labor, I would be one of those STOP TOUCHING ME type of women.) I don’t mind being “pampered” just a little – like my husband tucking me in, putting pillows all around me, bringing me a fresh 7Up. But for the most part, I do want to be left alone. I want concern and pity of course ;), just distance.
My husband likes to be babied. He thinks he needs to go to the ER for pretty much anything. I’m not really the babying sort, so it’s effort for me, especially since my husband is almost never, ever sick. But he always wants me to hang around and snuggle. 🙂
Hi Stacy. Glad to hear that you’re feeling much better now.
We’re so alike in this situation. When I’m sick or feel slightly unwell, I also want to be taken cared of. I want lots of pampering. hehe! My husband is such a great care giver. He really takes good care of me when I’m feeling under the weather. Just like my mom used to do, he would make me some homemade soup and check on me from time to time. I don’t know if you still remember that my Yaya or nanny still lives with me after all these years. She still takes care of me when I’m sick like the way she did when I was a little girl. She’s like a second mom to me. So I guess that makes me lucky because two wonderful people take care of me when I’m not feeling well.
This is so Jono and I. I like to be babied, that’s what it was when I was growing up. Jono just does his own thing. I think he’s realized that he likes my method better and will let me baby him. 🙂
Oh, I’m like you, to an extent — I want a little attention, too. “Little” being the operative word. I want some indication that the other humans in the house care whether I live or die and an offer to get some something if I want it, but I don’t want anyone hovering. My father, he on the surface wants to be left alone and not touched or anything, and yet when he *does* want something, he completely reverts back to childhood and expects to be taken care of. My MOM never says anything about being sick or wants anyone to do anything for her.
I think my brother and SIL are probably exactly like you and Tim, and A. is just as clueless as Tim about what K. wants when she’s sick. *g*
Well, I mostly like to be left alone. I try to baby my boys and hubby when they’re sick and I don’t mind them asking if I need anything but I like to be left alone to watch tv or sleep. Mind you, I hardly ever get sick (I hope I’m not going to be sorry I said this!!!).
Have a great weekend!
p.s. No one reads my blog other than sba’ers and my friend. I havent’ given anyone the link!
What a great question!
Okay, when I’m sick (even a little sick) I want to be taken care of, petted and worried over and I reciprocate with my husband and the rest of my family. My husband likes to be treated the same way but while my care plan for other people will run the entire course of their sickness, his care plan peters out after the first day. My first day sick, he’s quite the caretaker. After that, I’m on my own ;~)
Ok, when hubby is home I like a little attention. Don’t over do it, but check on me every once in a while. If he’s not home, Vader will wake me up every few hours (I guess to make sure I’m still alive) If hubby is home…off to the store for chicken noodle soup, crackers, sherbert and 7-up. I can’t be sick without those items in the house. I must, must have them. I’ve been know to drag myself to the store running a fever just because those foods are so comforting to me. I guess I can call my in-laws now and not worry about wrecking my car! My hubby is so good to me when I’m sick!!!
I won’t say that Jeff likes to be “babied” but you MUST take care of him. He won’t drink or eat unless you are there to remind him. (see previous trip to ER because of dehydration!)
DH is not the nurturing kind. He grew up in a home of boys and an “unmotherly” mother. Needless to say, I have to fend for myself.
My DH must be related to your DH. Mine will let me cook dinner for him when I’m sick…unless I just don’t do it. He’s a good guy in most areas, but that one he kind of sucks, I like to be babied when I’m not well. Him, he is just like your hubby.
Well, since being married, I’ve not been really ill, so, I’m not sure how Steve would treat me. Although, I’m sure he would baby me to some extent. After Olyvia was born via C-section, he was very attentive and helpful. Although, I was very determined to do most of it myself.
My Steve, does like for me to be attentive as well. So, we’re about the same. He’s the best man in the whole world.
I am totally a baby when I’m sick. My dh says I could win the academy award for my performance if I’m not getting enough attention. Actually, last year we ended up in marriage counseling (yes, I’m not exaggerating) because I had strep throat with 104 degree temperature and he hardly ever checked on me. I’m a very difficult and demanding patient. I definitely want a LOT of attention and babying.
I told my mom not too long ago that I don’t “enjoy” being sick anymore because Jeff doesn’t baby me like she did when I was still at home. (Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup was also used by my mom!)
But Jeff says I’m just spoiled (which is true, I admit), and that I like to be pampered all of the time, not just when I’m ill. 🙂
You poor thing! I don’t think it’s asking too much at ALL, to be checked on occasionally and for him to bring you food, Sprite, etc. so that you don’t have to get out of bed (or up off the couch). He doesn’t have to baby you, but the above things are not baby-ing…they’re simply taking care of your spouse when they’re sick! Have you communicated this to him? Maybe he doesn’t know, and assumes that you want to be left alone like he would want himself. I think everyone deserves and needs someone to help them get their food, drink, medicine, etc. whenever they’re sick.
Philip and I are very similar; we both like to be babied a little when we’re sick. P rarely gets sick, so in the entire time we’ve been married, I’ve only had to wait on/baby him a couple of times. Whenever I get sick, he babies me. I don’t have to get up at all; he brings me whatever I need, assuming he’s home. And before he leaves, he’ll set me up with everything I might need within arm’s reach.
I hope Tim will come around and give you some assistance next time you’re sick. Hopefully it won’t be for a long time!
Oh my gosh, I totally do not think you are asking too much. I don’t like to be babied, but I do like someone to maybe get me a drink or some advil if I am just tired and feel oookey. I hope he comes around.
I’m exactly like your husband. Don’t come near me when I’m feeling bad. Don’t talk to me, touch me or God forbid, ask me a question. I tend to withdraw inside myself and concentrate on getting better. I was like when I went into labor, too. The nurses thought I had lapsed into a coma. lol
So, I can understand your husband’s need to be left alone. I can also understand your husband’s lack of attention to you when you’re sick. I tend to do that too and I think it’s mainly because I figure that’s what I want done, so others probably feel the same way.
I get very impatient with sick people – I know, it’s a bad thing with me. So, I tend to close the door and leave people alone. However, two people need to respect each other’s needs and wants. If you want to be asked the occasional “How are you, can I get you something” question, your husband needs to respect that and do that. Same as with you respecting his wishes and leaving him alone (though I suspect he still appreciates the occasional “how are you” question when he’s sick. I do).
Try to be patient with him. People like me and your husband are cut from a different cloth. He cares, he probably just doesn’t know how to show it.
And you’re not asking for too much, that’s just how you cope and were brought up to react when you’re feeling bad. It took me a LOOOONG time to accept, and understand, how my husband thinks (he’s like you when he gets sick) and I try and make an effort to remember that and react accordingly when the occasion arises.
I think too often people (people in committed relationships) tend to forget that we’re all different. The trick is to first recognize that and then respect that. 🙂
You are so not alone here … You are amoung the majority I bet. When I am sick I want to be babied..lol I want my mommy to nurse me. My hubby actually is very attentive and does a great job of taking care of me and nursing me but he doesn’t do things like make sure the house is being picked up and ran while I am down..lol that is HUGe to me too. When I was down after surgery the house stayed a mess until i recovered. That bugged me. he ewill clean all day if I am too. If not he has no motivation at all.
Oh I forgot to say that I am glad you are felling better and i do not think you are a bad wife at all …
Happy New Year!!!
Men! You have to practically hit them over the head with a 2×4 for them to realize something!
Oh this is funny indeed. Once when we were dating, I was so sick with a violent stomach flu and I knew I needed something. I had nothing in my apt. Calls to my friends and mom went unanswered. I finally called Mike to see if his dad (who lived about 15 min. from me) would go to the store and get me a few things. Mike hopped in his car and must have flew to my place – stopping at the store along the way. He arrived a little over an hour later with every kind of chicken soup imaginable, crackers, and one of every medical stop-gap product on the shelf. That touched me so much; I knew right then he was the one!
That said – I’m generally like your hubby – just leave me alone unless I’m dying! Honestly. Leave the light off. Don’t talk to me. DOn’t wake me up. Don’t bring food near me. And pretty much – I’m never sick and when I am, it has to be horrible for me to give into to it. Unless of course, I could miss work 🙂 Mike, on the other hand, is a big baby and loves to be waited on hand and foot when he’s sick. i really don’t mind except sometimes he gets to calling me a gazillion times. It’s really funny how people are different. I guess it’s that communication thing to explain to our partners what we really need.
I hope you’re feeling 100% better now!
It depends on what type of sick I am as to the level of attention I like. If I have a headache, please don’t touch or talk to me…leave me alone. If I am sick with a cold, I like to be babied…bring me some soup, some tissues to blow my nose, some medicine and the remote and check on me often to see if I need something else. If I’m throwing up, I need a lot of attention. I want someone to give me a wet washcloth and hold my hair back. I hardly ever throw up, so if I do, I really want to be babied!!!!! DH does a good job of attending to those needs, but it took some real training!
Mark used to be a lot like Tim (not surprising since they are brothers). He just wanted to be left alone, and would yell at me if I bothered him. Now he lets me pet him more. I think that he has grown to like the attention. 🙂
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